4 Things Married Men Should Never Do

marriedmen2So, you’re a man, and you’re married. Congratulations! Being married can be awesome and liberating. You get to spend the rest of your life with your best friend and someone who complements you completely – it’s tremendous.

The thing about marriage is that it actually provides a framework for you to thrive and flourish, to become your true self rather than someone who is just angling for another score.

But even though marriage is a time for you to feel free, there are a few things that married men should never do. Here are four of them.

1) Get emotionally vulnerable with a member of the opposite sex

Whether you’re unburdening yourself or whether they’re pouring out their heart to you, this is just a bad idea. Look, we all want to be the person who is kind and loving and who is “there” for those in need. And that’s a great person to be!

Just don’t be that person for a member of the opposite sex. Especially if it’s just the two of you.

Look, we’re not afraid of a man being friends or even being close with a woman that he’s not married to. But we also understand the realities of the way the human heart works, and we know that emotional vulnerability can wind up leading either – or both – of you to places you shouldn’t be going.

Someone else can be there for them. Or there for you. It’s not worth it.

2) Keep score

Hey, you want to know a great way to kill intimacy with your wife? Try keeping score!

When you get into a heated conversation (i.e. argument), don’t try to find resolution – just try to win. When your wife asks you to do something for her, remember it so you can use it later to force her to do something for you.

Oh, and when it comes to sex, definitely keep track of who initiates and when and then take it personally.

Of course we’re being sarcastic here. Keeping score is great when you’re playing actual games, but a terrible thing to do in marriage. You and your spouse are in this together, meaning you either both win or you both lose. Grow up.

3) Try to fix your wife

The great thing about your wife is that she is a wonderful puzzle of occasional contradictions who sometimes just needs to think out loud.

And at the risk of generalizing, we’re going to say that when she does think out loud, she’s not really looking for answers so much as a confidant and someone to back up the way she feels about something.

She probably doesn’t really want you to fix her situation, and she definitely doesn’t want you to fix her.

She wants an advocate.

You aren’t responsible for your wife’s emotions or actions. You know who is? She is. Let her be. Listen, be kind, back her up, and let her vent.

4) Stop doing the little things

You know how when you were dating you did all kinds of cool, fun, romantic little things? And you know how that made her feel?

Yeah, you should keep doing that stuff.

You probably already know this, because it’s in, like, every marriage book, blog, video course, conference, and getaway weekend. But there’s a reason for that: because it’s true.

You have to keep doing that stuff to let your wife know you still cherish her and respect her and have a desperate desire to continue surprising her, even after all these years.

And now it’s your turn, married guys. We’ve given you some ideas – take them as a springboard and start thinking of what you shouldn’t do as a married man, as well as all the many, many things that you can do. Get started. Live free.


Want to learn more about having better sex? Check out the Best Sex Life Now video series and workshop for expert advice and insight on how to supercharge your sex life!


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My Husband Just Told Me He Looked At Porn

husbandYour husband just confided in you that he looked at porn. I know it must bring up a lot of emotions:

– Betrayal because he didn’t stay faithful to you

– Mistrust because how can you trust him in small or big things if he couldn’t be trusted not to look

– Self-doubt because you think it may have had to do with you not being pretty enough or satisfying enough in the bedroom

– Anger because he didn’t put you above himself and think how his actions could affect you.

These are just a few emotions that may have surfaced for you, and these are normal feelings.

What you do from this point on with those emotions will set the tone for the rest of your marriage. Good, Christ-filled men are trying to do what is right when it comes to lust and their visual nature.

Your husband wants to honor you, but God has wired his brain so differently from a woman’s that it is a constant struggle.

Please take heart that he actually came to you before getting caught—he is trying to honor you and make things right. Your job is NOT to withhold sex from him, to question his integrity in all areas of his life, to play detective or police his every move, to not forgive him and always punish him, to shut down and put up a wall, to think it’s your fault.

Those things make a certain sense emotionally, but they won’t help you or him.

recover-org-inlineInstead, your job IS to understand his visual nature and encourage him to have accountability with trusted people who will call him out on things, to extend him grace and realize that we all screw up and are selfish, to seek out counseling with him or by yourself, to pray for him, to pray for your marriage, to welcome honest conversations.

If you can openly talk about how hurt you are that he looked at porn, about things in both of you that need work, about what triggers him to look at porn, about taking steps to improve the issues that come up, then you can push through the hard conversations and come out on the other side stronger.

You both love each other and want to work through these things, which is a good thing.

Divorce is not an option, and it never should cross your mind.

Even if this time seems desperate and that it will never pass, divorce is much harder and more painful than this one experience in your relationship. 

You and your husband can get through this and wind up even stronger than you were before. We’ve seen it over and over in the couples we’ve worked with through our ministry. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

For more information and help on dealing with sexual betrayal visit Recover.org today.

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Is Sex With Your Spouse Great All the Time?

spouseMarried sex: is sex with your spouse great all the time? We all know how our culture tries to tell us that single people are having all the best sex, what with being unattached to commitment and unhindered by normalcy and routine. 

The way movies, magazines, and television shows put it, the only way to have great sex is always to have it with different people, in different ways. Variety, or so the thinking goes, is the spice of life.

But if that’s true, then it’s easy to fall prey to the thinking that sex in marriage can’t be great all the time, but is rather just an ever-diminishing return on a lifetime investment.

So is sex great all the time in marriage?

No. Of course not.

But here’s the catch: sex isn’t great all the time ever.

If you expect sex to be constantly, continually great, then you are expecting something of sex – and your spouse – that neither of them can give.

Sex can be great, sure. It can even be great most of the time. In fact, we think it should be great. But in the same way that every meal you eat won’t make your knees buckle and every movie you see won’t thrill you to the marrow of your soul, every time you have sex will not leave you wading in a pool of pure melted bliss.

If you’re asking whether married sex can be great all the time, you’re asking the wrong question.

Instead of focusing on the physical sensation of greatness, a better way to think about it is this:

Can married sex be continually fulfilling?

Can married sex be consistently satisfying?

Can married sex be mutually enthralling, even when it doesn’t feel like it?

The answer, in all three cases, is yes. Of course it can.

The purpose of sex within marriage is not to achieve an orgasm. It’s not even ultimately to make children (though both of those are definitely by-products of it).

No, the purpose of sex is to unite two people and meld them into one.

It’s to create and foster a lifelong bond that connects a couple at the deepest levels of intimacy and unity. When you think of sex in this way, then every time you and your spouse join together in the cherished physicality of sex, you are deepening your marriage and your relationship with one another.

And that is something truly great. 


Want to learn more about having better sex? Check out the Best Sex Life Now video series and workshop for expert advice and insight on how to supercharge your sex life!


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