Married sex: is sex with your spouse great all the time? We all know how our culture tries to tell us that single people are having all the best sex, what with being unattached to commitment and unhindered by normalcy and routine.
The way movies, magazines, and television shows put it, the only way to have great sex is always to have it with different people, in different ways. Variety, or so the thinking goes, is the spice of life.
But if that’s true, then it’s easy to fall prey to the thinking that sex in marriage can’t be great all the time, but is rather just an ever-diminishing return on a lifetime investment.
So is sex great all the time in marriage?
No. Of course not.
But here’s the catch: sex isn’t great all the time ever.
If you expect sex to be constantly, continually great, then you are expecting something of sex – and your spouse – that neither of them can give.
Sex can be great, sure. It can even be great most of the time. In fact, we think it should be great. But in the same way that every meal you eat won’t make your knees buckle and every movie you see won’t thrill you to the marrow of your soul, every time you have sex will not leave you wading in a pool of pure melted bliss.
If you’re asking whether married sex can be great all the time, you’re asking the wrong question.
Instead of focusing on the physical sensation of greatness, a better way to think about it is this:
Can married sex be continually fulfilling?
Can married sex be consistently satisfying?
Can married sex be mutually enthralling, even when it doesn’t feel like it?
The answer, in all three cases, is yes. Of course it can.
The purpose of sex within marriage is not to achieve an orgasm. It’s not even ultimately to make children (though both of those are definitely by-products of it).
No, the purpose of sex is to unite two people and meld them into one.
It’s to create and foster a lifelong bond that connects a couple at the deepest levels of intimacy and unity. When you think of sex in this way, then every time you and your spouse join together in the cherished physicality of sex, you are deepening your marriage and your relationship with one another.
And that is something truly great.
Want to learn more about having better sex? Check out the Best Sex Life Now video series and workshop for expert advice and insight on how to supercharge your sex life!