Help for the Woman in Your Life

help-women-finally-blogLast month I talked a lot about My Pilgrimage, a new approach to breaking free from pornography for men. The response was overwhelming.

However, while I was stoked to see so many men enter a new and exciting time in their life beginning a new journey to freedom from pornography … it was also a sobering reminder that we (as a ministry) have been wayyyy behind on our efforts to help women. Both those who struggle with porn and those who are married or involved with the men that do.

So, it is because of this that I’m so stoked to share with you two new programs we have coming specifically for women. In fact, I believe that the program we have for spouses may be the best thing we ever did.

1st, My Pilgrimage – Women’s Edition will be launching in 2017. This program will be exclusively for women who struggle with pornography. Stay tuned.

2nd, coming in early 2017 we are offering a new program just for women who are in relationships (or have been in relationships) with men who struggle with porn or have been unfaithful in some other manner.

We are calling the program Recover.

Why Recover? Because this is not something women just get over…

Women who are impacted by these acts of sexual betrayal need recovery too.

Healing from these types of things is not something that just happens overnight.

It’s a process.
It’s a journey.

Watch this video for a small taste of what Recover is all about.

If you enjoyed that and are excited like me, go HERE, and you can watch the first three videos from the Recover Workshop for FREE.

NOW, here is something even more exciting.

Some of you can begin the entire workshop NOW.

We are inviting 15 women to come to San Diego June 3-6, 2017 as part of the first ever Recover Retreat.

The Recover Workshop was filmed on location in beautiful San Diego, California last summer with 7 amazing women who have all been in marriages affected by the sexual addiction of their spouse. During the making of this program, the women were in awe of the atmosphere and their time together. At the end of filming, they said …

“THIS is exactly the type of retreat, so many women need. A secluded place where they can be pampered, renewed, make new friendships and begin to recover!”

What an incredible opportunity we now have for women to take a break from their current challenges and spend time with other women who have worked through similar situations.

This is your special invitation to start the healing process today.

Be free from the pains, the hurts, the insecurities … experience Recover in person.

15 WOMEN. 4 DAYS. 3 NIGHTS.

1 UNFORGETTABLE EXPERIENCE.

The Recover Retreat will be a landmark weekend in your life. It’s very possible that this could be weeks, months or even years worth of healing and recovery distilled and concentrated into just four days of intense beauty and introspection.

The retreat will take place at a beautiful 10 bedroom estate located in San Diego, California. Offering panoramic views of the gorgeous Pacific Ocean and a private heated oceanfront pool and jacuzzi. Wake up to the smell of the ocean while you drink your morning coffee or tea. The showstopper is the outside living area.

No matter where you turn in the backyard, you see the magnificent blue ocean. A big swimming pool and lounge seating all around is the perfect way to enjoy the San Diego sun.

The experience includes:

  • Your pampered stay at a 5-star resort property
  • 5-star chef prepared meals
  • Exclusive and private spa treatment
  • Six life-changing sessions

The first 15 women that sign up for the retreat will get immediate access to the Recover video series (that means right now!) and the first to get the book and guidebook before the end of the year.

In addition to early access to the video series, we will begin an exclusive online small group for the women who will be attending the Recover Retreat.

Check out www.recover.org/retreat for more information and if you are impatient like me … sign up and be 1 of the first 15 to experience Recover.

Space is limited, don’t delay.


logoguide1There is hope and healing for women who have been hurt by sexual betrayal. Recover.org is a brand new program launching in early 2017 just for women who need to find restoration and peace after the damage done to them by a spouse’s infidelity.

Find out more today!

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Friday Rant: Stop Saying “#Foodporn” and “#Wordporn”

food-pornAh, Instagram. The home of our beloved #foodporn and #wordporn.

These tags are casual and edgy ways to appreciate glorious, towering burgers and macaron-embellished cakes, or a short poem that captures our hearts. They’re also really destructive uses of language. And we need to stop.

Look, I’m no stranger to ‘rule 34(If it exists, there is porn for it), and I know people have fetishes. But obviously, this classic tag has nothing to do with actual arousal. My problem is not with people lusting after desserts or floggin’ the dolphin while reading prose but with the implications of the flippant use of the term ‘porn’.

I have two definitions for you.

1) Porn is graphic depiction of a sex act to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic and emotional responses.

2) Art is the application of human creativity, often to stimulate powerful emotional responses.

Let us not get these two mixed up. Some say that pornography and the videography involved is an art form—but the most important part of porn is the whole getting turned on by watching other people have sex thing, right? Otherwise it’s just a really bad soap opera. So, porn is not art. And art is not porn.

This is important:

You are allowed to feel emotion without sexualizing it.

You are allowed to appreciate food, beauty or depth, without associating it with orgasm and sexual power.

In fact, we should feel emotion like this. We should appreciate freely like this. Let us not be reduced to sexual consumers! Let me clarify, there is nothing wrong with sex itself. I say, enjoy your God-given, Gatorade-fueled sex fests with your spouse, but keep it sacred. Be sexual in the right context. That context is not on your Instagram feed, in a hipster cafe or anywhere else you might be tempted to pull out some edgy hashtags.

We are participating in a culture that mistakes any excitement for the sexual kind, and in which any enjoyment is instantly suggestive. To want something, is to ‘want’ something—erotically. These hashtags are killing our ability to appreciate and let deep emotion sit within us. That is a terribly sad thing!

I know when people tag, they don’t actually mean they are turned on by that Katherine Sabbath cake or romantic poem; it’s a bit of fun, there’s no sexual drive. But I think it is so important to consider language and the implications using it this way brings, especially for young people.

Before you post, tag, or share, think about what you’re sexualizing. Think about what you’re trivializing. Think about what you’re normalizing.

Consider the porn addict, star, or spouse suffering betrayal trauma, to whom the word ‘porn’ is triggering. Think about the young person who searches #foodporn or simply the term ‘porn’, after seeing a harmless phrase on a friend’s social media. Think about the author or creator whose beautiful work has been reduced to a sexual object.

This is nit-picking on language, I know. There are bigger fish to fry. But language is powerful. It shapes culture, attitudes and the future.

Stop using #foodporn and #wordporn.

It’s not porn, it’s just beautiful.

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Brunettes In Isle Dogs escorts

I just have these thing for stunning and sexy brunettes, and that is one thing that you can guarantee that you are going to get with Isle Dogs escorts from https://charlotteaction.org/isle-dogs-escorts. I have dated through quite a few different escorts agencies, and only Isle Dogs escorts agencies have been able to come up with brunettes every time.

 

Isle Dogs escorts
Isle Dogs escorts

I don’t mind other hair color but just like some gentlemen have a passion for blondes, I have a passion for brunette Isle Dogs escorts. Now, if you don’t fancy brunettes, you don’t need to worry. Isle Dogs escorts agencies can come up with some stunning blondes as well, and Isle Dogs escorts agencies can even make sure you get a date with some hot red heads should you fancy that.

 

What makes Isle Dogs brunettes special?

 

Brunette escorts have always been special to me. The first girl I ever fell in love with was a stunning brunette, and now I suppose to look for her again. It is funny how an image of a woman tends to stick in her mind, and every Isle Dogs escorts that I meet I compare to my first girlfriend.

 

I suppose I shouldn’t really be doing that but I just can’t help myself, I look for my lovely and sexy Lucy in every woman I meet these days. Just one of those things, I think.

 

Obsession

 

Shrinks would probably call it an obsession but I call it a very special memory. Lucy was the sexiest woman I had ever met. She wasn’t really my girlfriend but I was certainly her toy boy. Lucy was actually a married woman and I was her lover.

 

She was really bored with her husband, and she wanted a toy boy to keep her busy, and share her love with. Her husband was an international business man so whenever he was away, we used to spend time in their great big double bed.

 

The stuff we used to get up to was out of this world, and as I was only sixteen years old at this time, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now, whenever I make to a woman, I cannot help to think of Lucy.

 

The truth is that Lucy would be in her sixties, and it is funny to think that the memory has lasted all of this time. Perhaps it is just one of those things that will never go away, and stay with me for the rest of my life.

 

I am in my late forties now, and I have never got married. Perhaps it has something to do with the memory of my Lucy but I have always dated escorts. When I was dating regular girls, I always felt guilty about thinking of Lucy so I decided I would stick with dating escorts.

 

I wonder if my little lovely Lucy is still out there somewhere…. I am sure she probably is but the experience would not be the same. I do wonder how many boys out there dream about being the lovers of an older women

What If You’re the One Who Cheated?

one-who-cheatedIf you have ever been in a marriage where there has been infidelity present you probably have asked yourself, “Should I stick around or not?

It’s a fair question.
It’s also a difficult one.

Craig Gross wrote about this question in his post “Should I stay or should I go?” Check it out.

 

That, unfortunately, is my story.

I hid my porn addiction from my wife for the majority of our marriage. When I finally did confess it to her, it was like a bomb went off in her heart. She felt hurt, betrayed, blindsided, and angry. 

We began going to counseling and attempting to find ways to repair the damage I had caused. I played the part of the victim, saying how I’d come clean, was all better, and my wife just needed to forgive me so we could move on and live happily ever after. She would respond that she couldn’t trust me, didn’t see any changes in me, and felt trapped because she didn’t know whether she should stay with me or not. 

The truth is: she was right about not trusting me. I hadn’t built up the courage to face the full extent of my addiction yet and was still hiding the worst details from her. I had actually cheated on her (not just with porn, but with another woman), but was too much of a coward to admit it, so I continued to lie. I told her over and over I had confessed everything… even though I hadn’t. 

I still believed I could lie or bluff my way out of any situation and, with enough time, it would all be swept under the rug. I figured if I held out long enough, things would finally blow over and get better. 

346x396-recover-inline2That notion was completely shattered when my wife asked me to move out.

All this time, I had been wrestling with God about making a full confession to my wife. I continued to lie even though I knew I needed to tell her everything. I argued with God—If I tell her everything, she will leave me. I would never have said it out loud, but I believed I knew how to manage this situation better than He did.

The breaking point for me was when God showed me how my wife would never be free from the spiritual bondage in her life unless I confessed my adultery to her. Even if it meant she would leave me, I knew I had to tell her everything for her own good. For the first time in our marriage, I started to put her well-being above my own desires.

I wrote her a letter outlining everything I had held back. I told her how much I loved her, how sorry I was for all the pain I had caused her, and how I knew this would likely be the end of our marriage. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 

But in that moment, God became real to me for the first time in my life (Tweet This!). All the signs of change my wife had been looking for in me—repentance, humility, empathy, compassion—suddenly became undeniably evident in my life. Not because I was creating them, but because I finally released control of my life to God and allowed Him to create them in me. 

I was convinced that handing that letter to my wife would be the end of all happiness for me. Instead, it became the act of submission that opened the floodgates of God’s freedom and mercy in my life. 

I had reached the end of my rope, only to find that God was waiting there to catch me (Tweet This!).

I often wonder how things would have been different if I had been honest with my wife from the start. I do know one thing though: If I’d stopped trying to control everything and submitted myself to God earlier on, she would have seen the changes He was making in me. By waiting as long as I did, I was already out of her life when those changes took place. There’s still no way she would have trusted me at that point, but perhaps she would have been able to trust God working in me.

In the same way, if you’re desperately trying to fix the damage you’ve done to your marriage, I’d encourage you to consider whether it’s even possible for you to fix it. Perhaps the best thing right now is for you to reach out to God and trust Him to fix the things you can’t. 

After all, some of the stuff we mess up in our lives can’t simply be fixed—they can, however, be redeemed (Tweet This!).

You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.” – Matthew 5:3 MSG


logoguide1There is hope and healing for women who have been hurt by sexual betrayal. Recover.org is a brand new program launching this fall just for women who need to find restoration and peace after the damage done to them by a spouse’s infidelity.

Find out more today!

 

 

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What Is Off Limits In a Marital Sex Life?

 marital-sex-lifeThe marital sex life catches a bad rap.

So many people think that marital sex must be boring because it is with the same person for the rest of your life. I think that the monogamy is what KEEPS IT FROM being boring.

Think about it – you ARE with the same person over and over again, so you’re able to practice… over and over again. Practice makes perfect, right?

The question, “what is allowed in the marriage bed?” comes up pretty often (another reason some think that marital sex must be boring: rules!). If the Bible laid out direct laws about sex – other than infidelity, of course – this would be such an easier, black-and-white topic! Alas, it is not. That said, though, let’s start with what should absolutely NOT be allowed due to the harm it can cause:

Other people should never be a part of your intimate relationship. This particular no-no is also called “infidelity.” Jesus even went a step further and said that having lust for someone when you look at them is infidelity. That means no pornography either, guys! Adding people, having someone on the side, looking at other people having sex (on screen or off) will only damage your relationship. It destroys marriages more times than not. Trust me on this one. When my husband and I were struggling with pornography in our marriage, it only led to problems, and tore our sex life apart. This infidelity left us picking up the pieces for years and years. Don’t do it. Simply put, sex should only involve you and your spouse.

Anything that can harm you or your spouse physically or psychologically should be out, too. Physically speaking, you should never want to hurt one another. I know that some people would say that they enjoy being slapped, choked, etc., but that type of sex is demeaning and can make the other person feel uncomfortable. If something is uncomfortable or hurting you, speak up and try something else. You should never pressure your spouse or feel pressured by your spouse to do things that physically hurt. Sex that hurts will lead to less sex. Sex that hurts will lead to psychological damage.

 Speaking of the psychological aspect of sex – always make sure that whatever you and your spouse are doing is respectful and loving. Neither of you should ever feel like an object. Again – when porn was an issue in my marriage – I constantly felt objectified. Sex was only about him, and never about us. The way I thought about sex changed in a horrible way during those years. I equated sex to “doing a chore.” You and your spouse should never feel that way. You should both feel connected. You should both feel loved. Make sure that everything you do together in bed is mutual. Nothing should be one sided. When I didn’t feel connected, and things were one-sided, I hated every moment of sex. When one spouse starts to feel this way, it leads to resentment and less sex. No one wants that.

x3-fighting-for-my-marriage-facebook-10Which brings us to the bottom line: if you and your spouse are not hurting each other or adding another party, you are open to do what you would like. That is the best part! This is the part where you can explore each other without shame. Discuss what feels good and what doesn’t. Talk about what you would like to try and what your spouse would like to try. Speak to your spouse openly and honestly. This intimate part of your relationship should be a safe place where both of you can be honest and vulnerable.

After my husband and I reached a point of a healthy sexuality in our relationship, we were able to become better lovers to one another. The freedom of being able to speak and not feel rejected or objectified allowed us to have a dramatically better sex life.

Now, every couple is different, and there will be things that are okay for you and your spouse (which NEVER include infidelity or abuse) that would not be okay for me and my spouse, and vice versa. That is another awesome thing about a marital sex life. It isn’t about what everyone else does, it is about what you and your spouse do in that time together.

Your sex life is not in comparison with anyone else’s sex life.

If you and your spouse are at a loss, check out these 3 free videos from Fighting for My Marriage and Stronger Marriages for even more encouragement in your sex life and marriage in general.

Finally, don’t forget to pray about it. God is the creator of sex. He wants you to experience the full extent of enjoyment that sex brings. Marital sex does not have to be boring because of monogamy or “rules.” Make it your own. Allow yourself to relax, and just be in the moment to connect with your spouse.

Now… Go and practice!


fightingformymarriage-03Don’t give up on your marriage. It is worth the effort and investment. If you feel like your marriage is struggling, or even failing, there is hope. There is healing.

Fight For Your Marriage Today!

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