3 Tips for Struggling Honeymooners

Honeymoons seem to be both the most precious but underwhelming experience of married life.

From my own experience, and countless stories I’ve heard, there’s something deeply sacred about beginning a marriage, but the actual honeymoon experience can be somewhat disheartening.

Sharing space and sex with another human often isn’t what young couples expect, and it’s just not as simple as the movies or porn make it look. Orgasms may be few and far between, maybe the bedsheets get messier than anticipated, issues of lower and higher sex drive arise, or perhaps your partner’s body looks surprisingly different to anything you’ve seen online.

There’s a whole host of reasons couples struggle on their honeymoon.

The first weeks of marital intimacy can be pretty underwhelming. And that’s perfectly fine.

If any of this feels familiar to you, or you’re on some tropical island with your bae right now googling ‘honeymoon sex is hard help’, continue reading for three simple pieces of advice that can help you have the best honeymoon experience you can.

If the honeymoon is over, you can still use these to encourage and heal your growing intimacy.

Remember, You’re New at This

One of the most comforting things my new husband said to me one night was, “Hey, we’re new at this!”

It was the dose of perspective my disheartened soul needed. Somehow, I expected to be a pro at sex immediately. I anticipated we’d be having hot, steamy relations just like in the movies, and just how all the church leaders told us we would (if we waited).

Instead, it was a little awkward, and honestly just exhausting! The pressure we had put on ourselves and each other was unhealthy. Being reminded we had only experienced sex for the very first time four days ago was a reality check for us both.

You wouldn’t expect to be a pro skater the first time you stepped on a board, right? So why do we expect perfection on the honeymoon?

It’s okay to be new. It’s okay to fumble and ask questions. Relax into that reality and take the pressure off. It will make your honeymoon and sexploration much more enjoyable. And trust me, with practice, it gets so much better!

Slow Down

Slow. Slow. Slow. Everything is better slow. I can speak for the women on this one. Guys, please don’t crash tackle your bride, remove her clothes and proceed to jack hammer her like you’re on some naked construction site. Life isn’t porn, and doing this will reduce your wife’s enjoyment by one thousand percent. Take everything slow and steady, and when you feel you’re going slow enough, slow down some more. Take in every touch and moment. There’s no need to rush. Ladies, take your time with him, too.

There will be times of rushed and exciting sex in life, but a lot of the time, slow sex is good sex.

Do Something Else

Much to many newly married couples dismay, you can’t just have sex for two weeks straight. Someone’s going to get a UTI or some serious chafing.

Make sure you allow space for sex, but also book in fun activities and adventures. Take some books, DVDs, and board games with you. This will greatly decrease boredom and disappointment. By planning ahead, you won’t find yourselves sitting on the lounge wondering what to do now your bits are worn out from hourly sex. It will also give you a break from any stress you may be feeling in the bedroom. Doing something else for a while gives you the chance to relax, have fun, and come back to bed with a fresh mindset.

Depending on your family dynamics and personality, you may need some space, too. Introverts recharge both mentally and physically by being alone. Due to the nature of marriage, many introverts can ‘recharge’ and reflect in the presence of their spouse. They don’t require total solitude. They may need some time where they’re not required to engage, however. Discuss your partner’s individual needs, and figure out what that looks like for them. It may simply look like watching a movie while they read a book or go for a walk.

You’re not going to just have sex on the honeymoon, and that’s okay. Don’t fret if you just want to relax and read a book.

Pray

Invite God into your sex life. Sounds weird, but it’s worth it. God invented sex. He created the nerve endings, wobbly bits, and sensitive areas that we so enjoy! Get into the habit of praying over your marriage and sex life early on. It may feel redundant but he can do powerful things. He can heal, bring empathy, insight and wisdom to you both.

Further Support

There are some cases where either partner may experience sexual dysfunction caused by trauma, pornography, negative attitudes to sex, health, or unknown causes. These can cause pain and distress, and put a stop to further sex. If unanticipated, issues like these can be very distressing for a young couple. The statements above are aimed at couples who are facing issues of expectation and lack of experience, but they can help a couple in this situation, too. However, further support is needed.

Ensure you seek medical or therapeutic treatment for these issues, and communicate with your spouse. It may not be possible to have sex on the honeymoon. There is support and healing for you both, though. Please don’t keep this a secret.

If you are concerned about the potential of these issues, or experience sexual anxiety, book a check-up with your doctor before getting married, talk to mentors, and start investigating resources to prepare you for a life of marital intimacy.

No matter your honeymoon experience, these three pieces of advice have the power to provide perspective, hope, and healing as you venture into this new world of marriage and sex. Enjoy!

 

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The Way to Get Back Together With Your Ex: Angel Escorts

Is getting back your ex the one thing you think about at the moment? In that case, you seem like you went through a particularly nasty breakup. Breakups negatively impact every facet of your life. Your college life, home life, and work life all seem to lose their significance, at least for a short time. Is there a way to reunite with the ex who made your life so fulfilling before? Among the things you will need to do before answering that question is just to stop and have a breather said by the girls from Angel Escorts of https://charlotteaction.org/angel-escorts. When a terrible breakup tears your world apart, you will need the time to get over the shock of it. One thing that occurs after you break up is that you forget all the bad things and fixate on the great times you had together. Breakups have the effect of creating your ex-seem perfect, and you will do just about anything to get them back. Getting back your ex-seems like the only thing you can do to be happy. But with a little time, you will gain your objectivity, again and again, be able to see that your ex for all that they are. Everybody brings good and bad qualities into a connection, after all. In case you’ve taken some time to look at the breakup and still feel that getting back your ex is something you will need to do, then it is time to determine how to speak to your ex again said by the girls from Angel Escorts. Every individual and every situation differs, so think about what would work best for your ex. Would they rather hear from you on the telephone, by email, text message, a written letter, or a trip to their house? Consider what your ex would want from you and plan what to say. You need to be friendly and establish a fantastic conversation. There might be some hurt feelings left over from the breakup so be ready to manage these. Talk about whatever comes up gently and sensitively. Under no conditions allow your conversation to turn into a struggle! If you understand that the conversation is just going to become a session of rehashing everything that went wrong in your relationship back off and give it more time before you attempt to get in touch with your ex again. After you can both have a mature, friendly dialogue with each other, you’ll be ready to begin on the road to getting back your ex. Be honest and open with your feelings, and ask your ex if there may be a chance of being a couple again. Do not insist that they reply right now — for all you know, your calling them completely by surprise, and they might be at a complete loss for words. They’ll have to consider the things you’ve mentioned before making a choice. Just pose the question and give them space to consider it by themselves. This is the trick to getting back your ex.

1 Simple Way Men Can Supercharge Their Sex Lives

I rarely use my emergency brake. It’s mostly flat where I live along the coast. Sea level, for the most part, is level. But every once in awhile, for some inexplicable reason, I’ll park my car and depress the emergency brake pedal — shove that baby to the floor!

You can already guess what’s coming. I return to my car a few hours later and forget to release the brake. I turn the key, throw it into drive, and lurch forward in fits and starts wondering, “What the hell…is wrong…with my car?!”

If you’ve ever felt that way about your marriage, like there’s an invisible force impeding your progress, this post might help.

Embrace Your Inner Detective

Imagine you and your wife are driving from L.A. to Vegas for the weekend. Or from New England to North Carolina for a family reunion. An hour into the trip she asks, “Do you need to stop and use the restroom?” You don’t, of course, because you didn’t drink an extra-large iced green tea latte during the first 10 minutes of the trip, so you answer, “No. I’m good.”

Big mistake. Here’s why:

Women don’t typically come out and say what they want. After all, what’s romantic about that? “I need to pee. Pull over.” Boring. Any robot can issue an order.

Instead, they give us clues and expect us to do some digging in order to uncover what they want. They drop a few crumbs to see if we care enough to follow the trail.

So then, her question is never really a question, but a hint. Say this out loud if it helps: “Her clues are my cues.” No, not to throw your hands up in frustration, but to don your deerstalker and begin playing detective. It’s about to get fun! Remember, the trail always leads to the treasure.

Here’s a sample Sherlock-worthy response to her question-that’s-not-really-a-question, “Do you need to stop and use the restroom?”

x3-fighting-for-my-marriage-facebook-10YOU: “Well, we’ve been on the road for a few hours now. How are you feeling, babe? Do you need to use the restroom?”

HER: “Mmm, I don’t know.”

YOU: “It looks like you’ve finished your green tea latte. Would you like me to pull over at the next rest stop?”

HER: “I think I’ll be OK.”

[Pause briefly for dramatic effect]

YOU: “You know, I think stopping is a good idea. I’d like to stretch my legs. Plus, we’ve got 30-40 miles of desert ahead of us before the next town. We should probably refuel just to be
safe. And we’re probably both ready for a bathroom break.”

HER: “OK, honey.”

When she reaches across the console for your hand and gives it a little squeeze, it’s much more than a little squeeze. It’s her way of saying, “I feel loved right now. I feel cared for. I feel lucky to have you.” She’s dancing on the inside.

She’d turn on some music and dance on the outside too, right there in her seat, if she didn’t have to pee so bad.

The treasure — in case you were wondering — is her. It’s her heart. It’s her feeling loved. It’s her feeling connected to you. It’s her knowing she’s your #1 priority. These are the headwaters for a strong and sexy marriage.

Latin for “Dumb”

Standard-issue marriage advice to women says, “Your husband’s not a mind reader. Tell him what you want.”

“Yeah!” shout all the men within earshot, “We’re not mind readers! Just tell us what you want! Don’t make it so complicated! Don’t make us have to work so hard!”

Here’s the problem: While it sounds reasonable to the logical hemisphere of your brain — it bounces off hers.

When you say, “I’m not a mind reader, just tell me what you want,” she hears: “I’ve already won your heart. I’ve already cracked the code. The chase is over. I’m done breaking a sweat for you. Sorry, but you’re not that interesting anymore. Get used to me taking you for granted. Get used to a marriage that’s dull and predictable.”

Or, even worse: “Can’t you be more like my guy friends? More rational. More linear. Less nuanced. Less mysterious. I just wish you’d stop acting like such a woman.”

And you wonder why she’s hardly ever in the mood.

All this time — unbeknownst to you — you’ve been insisting that your wife tone down her sex appeal. Be less amorous. The word “sensual” comes from the Latin “sensualis,” meaning, “endowed with feeling, sensitive.” Regardless of her body shape or size, your well-endowed wife is a finely-tuned machine — sensitive and nurturing and intuitive and feeling and powerful and delicate and complex.

She and her sexuality are a deep well. Simply put, without her yin, there’ll be no yang.

Conclusion

Every man becomes a detective the moment he says, “I do.” When wedding guests ask the groom, “Where will the two of you live?” he might as well answer “221b Baker Street.”

The chase didn’t end on your wedding day – it was just getting started!

Questions that Lead to Better Sex

● What hints has your wife been dropping lately?
● What clues has she been leaving?
● More importantly, what is she really trying to say?
● What does she need most from her husband right now – quality time, encouragement,
empathy, a little push?

Quote Worth Pondering 

● “When a women is silent, listen to her very carefully.” (Lilka)

 

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5 Steps to Survive Separation or Divorce

Sexual betrayal in a relationship causes a multitude of issues. There are couples who decide to separate for a period of time, in order to give space for healing.

This is totally normal and ok to do.

Many couples get back together after being separated.

Unfortunately, other marriages end in divorce.

Either way, I want to encourage you that you will get through this.

As a woman who has been betrayed by someone she loves, the devastation can be overwhelming.

There is a way to survive!

Here are the 5 steps you can try during this time:

1. Turn to God during this time and let it all out

Tell Him exactly how you feel. Go ahead, He can handle it. If you have never journaled, why not try now? Write your prayers out to Him.

2. Tell someone you trust what’s going on

This is not about having a gossip session or talking bad about the man who hurt you. This is about your heart and not walking through this alone. Ask for prayer and tell this person how you feel.

3. Read your Bible

Look through God’s Word for the many promises He has for you during this difficult time. What you need at just the time you need it will jump out at you.

4. Don’t let the negative thoughts consume you

Look for the positives in each day.

5. Find the Scriptures that define you

Let God tell you who you are to Him. One of my favorites is Ephesians 2:10.

I know all too well how life has to continue when you are dealing with this heavy emotional stuff. You have many duties as a wife and maybe a mom. You can’t just stay in bed all day, even if you’d really like to. Do what you have to each day. And know this, you are not alone!

If you haven’t already, get the Recover book from Amazon. The stories will inspire you and encourage you.

Also, if you are able to, join a Recover small group. There are women who have years behind them that would love to walk with you during this time.

I know you might be scared, but don’t be. You will make it through this. I promise.

 

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