SPECIAL BLACK FRIDAY OFFER

I gotta admit, I love a “Deal.”

I think most of us do.

So, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and then we have Black Friday.

You know, that day shoppers get up insanely early, storm their local retail stores, stand in ridiculous lines, possibly trample a bystander or two in a panic to get to their “doorbuster” before it runs out, all in the quest to save hard-earned dollars.

Well, I like online shopping.
Basically cause I hate all that other stuff.

So we want to offer you something this Black Friday as well, but without the long lines, the crazy customers, and the like.

That’s why if you SIGN UP HERE we will send you a Secret Code that will score you 60% off any of our video workshops at X3workshops.com.

That includes:

The My Pilgrimage and X3pure workshops, designed to help men find freedom from porn and addiction.

The Recover workshop, for women who are seeking to heal from infidelity and sexual betrayal.

The Fighting for My Marriage workshop, for couples whose relationships are in crisis and need help.

The Best Sex Life Now workshop, for married couples looking to vastly improve their sex life.

And Touchy Subjects, a workshop for parents to help them talk to their kids about sex, tech, and social media in a touchscreen world.

These workshops are all designed to help you live a better and fuller life.

Plus… My Pilgrimage, Recover, and X3pure all come with one month of Small Groups Online for FREE.

So what are you waiting for?
Get the code now.
Eat your Turkey tomorrow.

And start shopping Friday without having to change out of your pajamas.

Happy Thanksgiving.

 

 

The post SPECIAL BLACK FRIDAY OFFER appeared first on XXXchurch.com.

New TV Series | Sex in the Digital Age

One thing I love is when Christian organizations aren’t afraid to talk about real stuff… stuff like sex, porn, and the like.

That’s why I’m really stoked to tell you that we’ve partnered with God TV in putting out a 6 episode TV series called Sex in the Digital Age.

 

Watch this short promo.

 

 

Then tune in on Saturdays at 10:00 PM Eastern starting November 18th.

You can actually watch the first episode for FREE now by going HERE.

Watch it. Then post in the comments what you thought.

– Craig

 

 

The post New TV Series | Sex in the Digital Age appeared first on XXXchurch.com.

Has Pornography Changed You?

Does pornography use change a person? This is a question we hear a lot.

Some people say “without a doubt.” Some say “not at all.”

The truth is there is no conclusive scientific evidence one way or the other.

So, here’s what we are asking … Will you take a short anonymous survey?

We’d love to hear what you have to say.

 

Fill out my online form.

 

 

The post Has Pornography Changed You? appeared first on XXXchurch.com.

How Masturbation Almost Ruined Our Honeymoon

My husband and I have been married for three short months. We’re new to the sex game. We never realized it could be so difficult.

Masturbation almost ruined our honeymoon.

Before that, though, the wedding was a beautiful blur. We woke up way too early, said our vows, paid too much for everything, and it was worth it!

We tolerated the photos and festivities, but when the night closed, we literally ran out of the reception hall and punched our hotel address into Google Maps. We were going to have actual sex! Finally!

That first time was special, however…over the course of the honeymoon, we found something wasn’t quite right.

Sex was disappointing, frustrating and not nearly as orgasmic as we both expected. We realised our histories with masturbation had negatively impacted our sex life.

Masturbation taught us to expect great sex and great orgasms every time.

After ten or so years of consistent masturbation, whether that was accompanied by porn, fantasy or ‘lustless thoughts’, I’d say we both had a pretty good grip on the act. It was quick, pleasurable and consistent. It was often an escape from the discomforts of life. It was reliably good.

Of course, when it came to real sex, we expected the same thing.

Effectively pleasuring ourselves, along with the influence of Hollywood, hook-up culture and porn taught us sex would be easy. Every encounter would result in great sex and great orgasms, for both of us…every time. Wasn’t it supposed to be like super-charged masturbation?

We were ready for the fireworks show.

Alas, it never came.

Masturbation taught our bodies to respond to one thing only.

It was not for lack of love, affection or effort that our intimacy struggled on the honeymoon. It was our bodies listening to what we’d taught them.

We had both set ourselves up for specific stimulation, in a specific time frame. It was all about ‘my pleasure’ in ‘my time’.

By virtue, I could never please him like he’d learned for ten years. And likewise. Sex is different when there’s two of you. Our hands and bodies felt different, they worked differently, moved differently. We had access to body parts foreign to us until we said our vows. It was entirely different to self-stimulation. And in many cases, not as good. Whatever we were doing to each other, it just didn’t feel right.

We were like two Atlantic salmon flailing about on top of each other, trying to find the right spot. We gave up many times, exhausted and disappointed.

It was frustrating that we’d both accustomed our bodies to respond to XYZ and the other was doing ABC.

It was worse than trying to direct someone to itch a scratch on your back, in juuust the right spot.

There is not much more dangerous for intimacy than thinking ‘I can do this better’ when your spouse is trying to serve you.

The result of this was confusion and disappointment. I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I questioned why he didn’t want to have sex all the time, and why he didn’t seem to love it when we did.

Then came the most intimate experience of our honeymoon.

One evening, we sat together on the lounge, wearing track pants and eating dip. With a B-grade movie playing in the background, we looked at each other and cried. It was overwhelming. We felt so prepared and excited, but sex just didn’t live up to the fantasy.

We prayed about it together, through tears. We realised then, that sex was sacred and beautiful. It was the act of sharing intimacy with your spouse, rather than just a means to an orgasm. If we got both out of an experience, that was great! But, if we didn’t have mind-blowing sex, that was still okay. We were learning to move together, understand the other and become one. It was sacred.

We’re still learning, but from that moment onward, sex became so much better for both of us. Ditching the pressure and expectation of having amazing sex every time truly brought peace and understanding. In this environment, we could communicate and learn.

It’s funny how losing the expectation of an orgasm actually results in more of them.

Everyone brings baggage to the marriage bed. Ours just happened to be a long history of masturbation and self-indulgence. Let this be a warning to you, whether single, engaged or married. When you masturbate, you take your spouse (or future spouse) out of the equation. How you live your life now, is setting a pattern for your future sex life.

Masturbation is a grey area in the Christian world. It brings out the fire in people. I’ve wavered in my opinion over the years, but this new stage of life has confirmed to me, that regular masturbation can really mess with your future. Choose for yourself, but consider this reflection from a newlywed who wishes to save you the strife of frustrating, confused sex that makes you wonder if it’s even worth it at all (psst, yes. It is).

The post How Masturbation Almost Ruined Our Honeymoon appeared first on XXXchurch.com.

One is the Loneliest Number

I have a quick piece of trivia for you. Ever heard the song “One is the Loneliest Number?”

I’m sure you have. Know who sang it?

If you said the Beatles then my friend, that would be incorrect. The original song was written and sung by Harry Nilsson in 1968, and the original title was just “One. Don’t feel bad if you said the Beatles. That’s a pretty common belief. Just the wrong one.

You know what else is a pretty common (but wrong) belief many hold?

That recovery can be done alone. Incorrect.

Unfortunately, many people choose to suffer from their addiction alone. And consequently, when they step out and pursue recovery they try to do that alone too.

Why? Because of shame.

So we stay quiet.
We keep to ourselves.
We read books and do workshops all without talking to anyone else and then wonder why nothing changes.

Hey, I get it. Stepping out into the light with our addiction is hard. Real hard.

I understand that not everyone is comfortable with being open and honest about their struggles.

So an online workshop is a great place to start. It helps us take the first step.

But it can’t stop there.

I know this. I don’t want just to offer you a workshop and have you miss out on the most critical piece of the recovery journey… Other people. That is why all our recovery workshops now come with a minimum of one month of Small Groups Online included.

I know we can’t force you to take advantage of these groups, but we want to do everything we can to encourage you to join one.

And because of this, we are giving you an opportunity to get an entire year of Small Groups Online included with your purchase of the New X3pure for only $199.

Our small groups are a dedicated time for being seen and known by one another – just as we are – in a safe environment where each of us is seeking freedom from addiction, and shame, and pain.

That kind of freedom can only come through the truth of experience – the kind that happens when you’re able to level with others who understand where you’re at.

People who can empathize.

People who can weep with you and laugh with you. People who understand that sometimes, you don’t need to them to do anything other than just being there in that moment, and that is enough.

We need one another.

Consider this an invitation to be there, too.

SIGN UP AT X3PURE TODAY!

The post One is the Loneliest Number appeared first on XXXchurch.com.

A New Approach to an Old Message

Tomorrow we are releasing the New X3pure to the public, and I’m very excited.

But you may be thinking, “Craig, why is this exciting? After all, isn’t this just a rehash of the same old thing?”

Fair question.

No.
Not really.

Yes, the New X3pure still follows the same teaching as the original, but the approach and style of teaching are completely different. And the teacher is different.

Like I told you a couple of weeks ago, Carl Thomas who teaches this workshop is a straight shooter. He’s been where you are today. He’s gone through the same crap.

And he has his own story of victory.

Watch this quick video about Carl.

 

When we talked about this project, Carl said the only way he would do it was if he could teach it in such a way that the average guy could connect with what was being taught.

No fancy academic language.

No cliché church speak.

Just one guy talking to another guy honestly, bluntly, and unashamed. Like a real conversation, not a lecture or sermon.

So I agreed, and we got to work.

We revamped everything.

The workbook is new.
The teaching style is new.

Even where we shot the video is completely new (we shot the entire series in a tattoo shop).

The goal was clear: to offer an effective recovery curriculum that is 100% unfiltered, transparent, and relatable.

And that’s what I believe we have accomplished.

We are less than 24 hours away from the release of the New X3pure.

Make sure you check it out tomorrow and take advantage of the special introductory offer we are including 1 FREE year of Small Groups Online included with your purchase.

Remember, that offer is only for the first week so jump on it as soon as you can

The post A New Approach to an Old Message appeared first on XXXchurch.com.

The New X3pure Arrives In Less Than One Week

Two weeks ago I told you about something exciting, just on the horizon … The NEW X3pure Video Series and Workshop.

Well, I’m happy to share with you a little more today. First, watch this preview video.

 

Like I told you, one of the reasons I’m so excited about this re-release of X3pure is that it’s being taught by someone who has been through the fires of addiction and has come out victorious.

Someone you can trust and believe in.
Someone who won’t B.S. you and will tell you what you need to hear, like it or not.

I didn’t ask Carl to do the teaching in these videos because of his “pedigree.” I asked him because freedom from pornography isn’t only something he’s talked about, it’s something he’s experienced, personally. And it’s something you can experience as well.

You just need to take that first step and commit to the hard work of recovery. Are you willing to do that?

I know a workshop isn’t going to set you free. Only God can do that.

But this workshop will give you all the tools and insight you need to find lasting freedom from pornography and sex addiction.  And the materials are presented in such an honest and down-to-earth way that you will find it easy to connect with the teaching.   

 

The choice is yours, but again I ask… will you begin your journey to true freedom?

 

It’s your turn.

The video you watched is just a sample of what you can expect.

When you begin the New X3pure next week, you’ll discover:

– Freedom from the shame that keeps you emotionally distant and isolated.

– How to live without the crushing weight of guilt and fear that seems to choke your relationships.

– What it’s like to move away from isolation and loneliness to be truly known and loved unconditionally by others.

– The ability to break free from addiction and the despair that plagues your mind every day.

And what does freedom from that bondage free you to?

– Learn to understand what triggers you to make the choices you do.

– Think with depth, clarity, and joy and know that you are not your failures.

– Interact with truth and honesty with yourself and your loved ones.

– Live a life that is truly abundant and experience a freedom you can feel.

It all comes as part of the New X3pure.

On September 19th – less than one week from now – you’ll be able to gain immediate access to everything this experience has to offer:

The Video Series. Fifteen video modules that will help show you the root of the pain that has caused you to start down the road of addiction in the first place. More importantly, these videos will help guide you through a process of healing that will take care of the problem once and for all.

The Workbook. The X3pure workbook course materials are filled with the accountability tools and the solid guidance you need to work on overcoming your pornography and sex addiction.

Small Groups Online. These groups connect people just like you. People who are learning to walk this new path and who want to encourage and inspire one another down the road.  It’s a group of men who are all on the same journey you are, who are all using the same materials as you. You meet together online at a time that’s convenient for you. It’s all completely safe and confidential, and it will take your X3pure experience into the stratosphere. There’s nothing like the power of groups meeting together.

The New X3pure will only cost $199. That’s it.

But here’s the kicker.  

 

From September 19th to September 26th, if you buy the New X3pure you will get one year of Small Groups Online included with your purchase.

 

That’s a $468 value!

Normally X3pure only comes with one month of Small Groups Online. But if you buy it during this special seven-day promotional period we are going include 12 months.

Trust me. The workshop is great. But it’s the group experience that will be the difference-maker in your recovery journey.  

 

It’s Decision Time.

 

There are only six days left until you’ll have the opportunity to purchase X3pure and get one year of Small Groups Online included with your purchase.

You have a choice to make: do what you’ve been doing (or worse, do nothing at all). You know where that will lead. Are you content there? Is that really where you want to go?

Take the first step on your road to recovery and real freedom. Finally be done with the shame, guilt, loneliness and your addiction.

What do you want for yourself?

 

The post The New X3pure Arrives In Less Than One Week appeared first on XXXchurch.com.

Change Is Good

I don’t know about you, but I think change is often a good thing. Sometimes even the best thing. I am always looking to change things up and shake up the status quo.

In 2002, we changed things up by launching a website called XXXchurch.com and going to the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo to hand out Bibles.

In 2004, we launched X3watch, the first free accountability software of its kind and challenged people to change the way they do life online.

In 2010, we changed our ministry focus to incorporate recovery tools by releasing X3pure, a 30- day online recovery workshop specifically for those struggling with sex and porn addiction.

In 2012, we changed the way small groups are done by starting X3groups, the first online support based small groups program for men and women who struggle with sex addiction.

In 2014, we revamped our entire website (again).

In late 2015, we changed the way people view addiction and our approach to freedom from it with the introduction of our cutting edge program, My Pilgrimage.

Then in 2016, we changed things up by launching Recover, the first comprehensive resource we ever offered for spouses of those who committed sexual betrayal.

We’ve been busy.

And I’ll be honest, sometimes we’ve changed things too quickly, and it backfired.

But I am the type of guy who always wants to lead out with fresh vision rather than sitting back on my butt just riding out the ordinary or “the way we always have done it.”

Organizations that are willing to change will evolve and grow. Those who don’t embrace change end up closing their doors after a while.

So, that being said, I have another big change I’d like to tell you about.

Like I said, in 2015 we launched My Pilgrimage and kind of got away from X3pure. There were a few reasons for this.

My Pilgrimage was a fresh new take on a topic that we have been addressing for so long and was so excited to develop an additional resource for people.

X3pure was developed by myself and a professional therapist named Steven Luff, which was built on the work that we did for the book Pure Eyes. Our friend Jake Larson did the teaching for the series and was something we were extremely proud of. That is until Jake lost his position as a full-time minister at his church after years of hiding his porn addiction and an extra marital affair.

This was something that I wrestled with the board of directors. Does the fall of Jake Larson disqualify the teachings that he did at his church or for our ministry? It was still helping people, but it never sat right with me.

One day I got an email from a guy watching the X3pure series and said he connected with Jake and then heard about what happened and lost all hope. He said, “If the guy teaching this stuff can’t help himself, how can I ever get free?” That is when I knew we had to do something else.

I decided we must re-launch X3pure, and I was not going to find just a great communicator, but I was going to find someone who I believed in and you could believe in.

Side note:

Years ago I was given the opportunity to be on a national TV show. It was a 10-minute expose on our ministry and my family, and I spent a few days with an amazing reporter who I had seen so many times on TV. He did an incredible piece on our ministry and a year or so later called me and put me on a 30-minute special for the network. We became friends, although we could never talk about it. He always wanted his reporting to be fair and not have anyone think that he was in my corner. I knew he loved the Lord and we often talked about how our worlds were similar. We were one of the hundreds of booths at an Adult Expo who were the only believers in the room, and he was one of fifty reporters in his newsroom and the only believer. He went out on a limb for me, and the night the 30-minute special ran, my phone rang about 10 pm my time, which was 1 am his. He asked me what I thought. I thanked him again and then he said something I will never forget. “If you ever get caught in the middle of an affair or into this porn stuff, I will cut your balls off, hang them on a tree and light them on fire. Send my love to your wife, Jeanette.” And then he hung up.

I get it. There is a lot on the line, and I hear his voice in the back of my head often.

A few months ago, I called Carl Thomas. Carl, I had known for almost eight years now and was the original small group leader of X3groups.com. Not only the original leader but the guy who grew that program for us. He went on to do some things for us with outreach, web and everything else you can think of. I have spent time with Carl’s family, and his wife was on the recover.org project. I called him and asked, “What do you think about teaching the new x3pure series?”

I didn’t talk about lighting his balls on fire on a tree but said I care more about how you live your life than how good you can teach.

Carl has read X3pure workbook and the Pure Eyes books multiple times and has come out of his own crazy story. He also has been leading at least one X3group since day 1. He knows what guys are experiencing and what guys need to hear. He’s from Jersey, so you have to get used to that accent, but there is no B.S. with Carl, and that is where he and I are most alike.

He shoots straight and doesn’t sugar coat it. I am proud to roll out this new project as we have reshot every video and re-wrote the workbook.

The new X3pure is being released on September 12th.

It still follows the same teaching.

But it stresses Freedom VS. Sobriety as the goal. It’s in your face and blunt. It’s practical.

Stay tuned. I’ll keep you posted, but I know that the new X3pure is going to be something like you have never seen before.

Real, honest and down to earth.

The post Change Is Good appeared first on XXXchurch.com.

Want to Help Your Wife Heal? Walk into the Fire.

“He is not doing enough,” exclaimed Susan speaking about her husband Artie who betrayed her with his numerous affairs and pornography use.

Her statement left me a little puzzled since I thought Artie had been doing well in his recovery.

And from what I could see, Artie certainly had been doing everything that was asked of him. So, I asked Susan, “What do you need that he is not doing?”

“I don’t know,” she answered. “But he is not doing enough.”

Then it hit me. “Are you saying he is not doing enough in his recovery or he is not doing enough to help your recovery,” I asked her.”

“It’s always about him,” she said as tears formed in her eyes. “What about me? When does he start to focus on how much I am hurting?”

Susan felt Artie was rushing her recovery and wanted her to “get over it” so they could return to their normal life. What Artie did not understand is they could not return to their former relationship.

In Susan’s eyes that relationship didn’t work. And she was right. There was no going back. The only road to travel – if they were to remain together – was forward.

But Susan’s words left me on a quest to determine if other women dealing with betrayal were experiencing similar feelings. And I soon discovered the answer was yes. Over a period of four months, I asked numerous women if their husbands were doing enough to help them heal and all of them said no.

A woman who has been betrayed wants to know her husband understands the depth of her suffering. More importantly, she wants to believe he will be supportive as she heals and not try to rush her through the process.

A man must realize not only is his wife’s trust destroyed but so is her self-worth has taken a beating.

She believes you desire something more than she can offer.
She wonders what is wrong with her that you sought stimulation elsewhere.

346x396-recover-inline2So the question you must answer is ‘do you truly want to help her heal’ or do you want to continue to wish her pain away?

Because if you want to brush this under the carpet you are in for a long and painful relationship. But if you sincerely want what’s best for her and desire to help her recover from the emotional pain I have a solution for you.

Walk into the Fire.

What does that mean you ask?

Walking into the Fire is when you proactively approach your wife during a time when things seem calm and ask a question similar to this: “I am checking on you and was wondering if you would like to share something that may have troubled you today about the pain I caused you”.

Ouch!

Now you’re thinking to yourself that sounds dangerous. And you’re right. Going to her and asking her to share her pain with you will most likely leave a significant burn.

But it’s the long-term payoff that you’re seeking.

“I took your advice,” said Fred during one of our counseling sessions. “She seemed to be having a good day so I took a chance and ask her what negatives thoughts she was experiencing.

“It started out OK but turned into an inferno pretty quickly,” he continued. “It made me very nervous and I was concerned she would not calm down. However, a couple hours later she came to me saying thank you for being considerate enough to care about what she was feeling. It worked.”

Fred’s wife was appreciative because he demonstrated he was willing to stay with her as she struggled through her pain. This told her he wasn’t trying to pull her along in her recovery and was going to allow her the time she needed to grieve and heal.

It is important to understand when a woman is grieving the betrayal she suffered she is healing. Men need to be patient, understanding, calm and stay present during grieving periods. The guys who learn to do this well are the ones who see their wives recover faster and their marriages restored.

Be smart, start Walking into the Fire.

 

The post Want to Help Your Wife Heal? Walk into the Fire. appeared first on XXXchurch.com.

4 Recovery Lessons I Learned While Getting My Butt Kicked on a Mountain

mountain-lessons-squareTwo weeks ago I ran a Spartan Race with my wife. And not just any Spartan Race, the Pennsylvania Super in Palmerton, PA at Blue Mountain. For those of you who aren’t up on what a Spartan is and have no idea what I’m talking about then here’s a brief summary.

This race is an 8+ mile obstacle course race with 25+ obstacles that takes you up and down a 1,400-foot mountain three times across very rugged and steep terrain. It’s brutal, even for those who are in great shape.

This race was without a doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m in pretty good shape but I felt completely unprepared for this adventure.

It took many days for all the pains and aches to go away (especially at 46) but this race is something unique and it teaches you some lessons if you are willing to learn them. It taught me some great ones about marriage and about recovery.

You see, I came into that race the way a lot of people do when they start their recovery process. They have an “idea” about what the journey looks like, but once they get started they realize that it’s not going to be an easy endeavor and may, in fact, be the hardest thing they ever do.

I see so many men (and women) give up on their recovery prematurely. They come in with grand ideas about making a change overnight and then when they realize what’s involved they tap out. It’s a shame. But I get it.

I wanted to tap out on that race 1,000 times over.  

But that day I saw and learned some things that if people understood when they pursued recovery would make ALL the difference in their journey. Here are four:

1. You don’t race alone

I did this race with my wife and that made all the difference. She needed me at times to push her forward, and I needed her at times to help me. About 4 miles into the race I started experiencing really bad knee pain which killed me on anything downhill. It was awful and there were several moments I questioned if I could even make it.

But Katie (my wife) was there every painful step of the way and supported me throughout. I can honestly say she was the difference maker for me that day.

And if you have an accountability partner they will be the difference maker for you.

59619fc1fd4131af6b0f757d-p copy (1)2. It’s not about speed, it’s about progress

Like I said already, I jacked up my knee around mile 4 after a really hard sandbag carry. Neither of us were blazing up the course prior to the sandbags (both not being runners, or joggers for that matter) but when my knee started throbbing our pace slowed to a literal crawl.

The next 4 miles went so slow and each time we passed a mile marker I thought to myself, “Are you kidding me?”

But after hours of walking, crawling, and limping we crossed that finish line and it felt great. We did it. It just took a ton time and whole lot of determination to just keep moving forward.

Recovery is the same. It’s never about how fast or even how far, it just about the progress.

3. Groups united around a purpose make a difference

One of the coolest things about these races is that you meet people from all walks of life. People you probably wouldn’t ever hang out with but during that race we are all the same.

We all have the one mission. To beat that course.

As a result, no one gets heated with each other.
No one condemns.
No one judges.

If you fall, someone is there to pick you up.
If you need a boost, someone is there to do it.

And when you say I don’t know if I can go on, someone is there to say “You sure as **** can!”

Recovery tools like workshops and filters are fine, and even needed. But having a group around you who are united with you in your purpose to find freedom is going to make the real difference in your recovery efforts.

4. It doesn’t have to be pretty when you finish.

Spartan races usually happen in the woods, on the mountains, and through the mud. They beat you up, knock you down, and leave you with some scars (especially if you lift your head up too quickly during the barbed wire crawl).

This race took a toll on me and my wife. Our time to finish was terrible and I’d like to tell you we crushed every obstacle but the truth is we both did a lot of burpees that day (30 burpees is the penalty if you fail any obstacle).

We weren’t superstars by any stretch and when we crossed that finish line we looked like hell (we smelled like it too).

But you know what? We finished.

And that’s what mattered.

When you are going through your recovery process it’s going to be very similar.

You’re going to feel beat up.
You’re going to be tempted to compare your lack of success with others around you.
You’re going to have some colossal “failures.”

And there are going to be days when you feel like the whole process is just one long punch in the gut after another.

But if you stick with it, even through the ugly times, you’ll finish.

And when you do you’ll say I made it. Who cares how I got here.

Are you ready to start your recovery race today?

It’ll be tough but you can do it. You just need to get out on that course!

 

The post 4 Recovery Lessons I Learned While Getting My Butt Kicked on a Mountain appeared first on XXXchurch.com.